It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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