So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
