the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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