you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
