i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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