Screwed.edu
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
