I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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