i don't plan on having that self control this summer
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
