She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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