i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
