I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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