She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
