omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
