In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
