Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
