just come out here and I will go home with you...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
