I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
