He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Randomize
