i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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