nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
