I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
