4 words: hood of his car
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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