Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
