I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
