i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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