My first STD was from a foam party
you guys were way drunker than both of me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
