Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
