they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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