redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
