They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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