um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
