I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
