1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
