How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
