Pappa wants mamma naked
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
