He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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