Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
