She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
