you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
