I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
