you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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