I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
