Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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