Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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