apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
