Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I look better un-naked...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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