Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
