my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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