Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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