I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
