saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
